The Lies I’ve Been Telling Myself

Yesterday, I felt like I had some type of breakthrough. I used to be stood up once more but once more by one other handyperson with whom I had made an appointment to present me an estimate for the drywall job within the studio.

I’ve had absolutely the worst experiences with handymen. What number of is that this now? I’ve misplaced rely. Let’s see.

  1. There was the man I employed to do the most straightforward and primary job (haul away junk). He did half the job, and requested for the entire fee, and informed me he’d be again the subsequent morning to complete. I paid him, after which didn’t see him for six weeks. Within the interim, I texted him twice, and twice he informed me he’d be again the subsequent day to complete. He was a no present each instances. When he lastly did come six weeks later to haul off the remainder of the stuff, his truck mattress was already piled full when he confirmed up, and he couldn’t get every part he had promised to take (and for which I had already paid him) into his already-full truck mattress. However regardless, he declared the job executed, and received’t reply to my texts.
  2. I made an appointment with one other man on a selected day and at a selected time. He didn’t present. I bought a DM from him on Nextdoor later that night telling me that we might reschedule. He didn’t apologize for standing me up, and didn’t supply any sort of excuse. It was simply, “Hey, I believe I used to be supposed to fulfill with you at 5:00 right this moment. We will reschedule that for an additional day.” Ummm…no.
  3. I made an appointment with a girl through DM on Nextdoor who handles her husband’s handyman enterprise. I messaged her, and she or he messaged me proper again saying that I might name her any time. I referred to as instantly, and she or he stated they had been at one other particular person’s home giving them an estimate, and will in all probability come on to my home after that. She stated she’d name me again in 5 minutes. That was 5 days in the past, and I nonetheless haven’t heard again.
  4. I made an appointment with one other man. He and his helper truly confirmed up once they stated they might to have a look at the job. He was right here 5 minutes, took some measurements, and stated he’d textual content me later with an estimate. I didn’t hear from him that evening or the subsequent day. I lastly texted him and requested if he had an estimate for me, and I bought a learn receipt displaying that he learn my textual content about two minutes after I despatched it. That was two days in the past, and I nonetheless haven’t heard again.
  5. I made an appointment with a girl who evidently has a number of work crews that do every kind of reworking and handyman jobs. She was speculated to be right here yesterday at 5:00. At 5:30, she nonetheless wasn’t right here and I hadn’t heard from her. I referred to as and bought no reply. I texted, and waited. I lastly bought a textual content again from her at 6:00, and she or he stated that she was along with her plumber and didn’t notice the time, and that I might give her a name subsequent week and we are able to reschedule.

I don’t understand how any of those individuals keep in enterprise once they deal with prospects (or potential prospects) with so little regard. To say that I used to be on the finish of my rope yesterday night can be an understatement. I used to be livid and annoyed and, fairly truthfully, feeling helpless.

Helpless. That’s a phrase that I’ve by no means thought I’d affiliate with myself. I’ve all the time considered myself as robust, succesful, decided. I’ve all the time been the sort of one that will determine a manner, even when one thing appears unattainable. Over the past 16 years that I’ve been scripting this weblog, I’ve had individuals ask me repeatedly, “Kristi, how did you try this by your self?” I simply did. Sheer dedication, a really robust will, blended with a heaping spoonful of stubbornness, has served me very effectively through the years.

However recently, one thing shifted in my thoughts, and never for the great. I don’t now if it’s simply because I’m on the final room in our house and I’m feeling like I’m on the final mile of a marathon and I won’t make it. I don’t know if it’s as a result of I simply had a milestone birthday and I’m feeling previous and asking myself, “How did I get right here already?” I actually don’t know what it’s, however about six months in the past, there was a change in my mindset. As a substitute of being that robust, succesful, decided particular person I’ve all the time been, I began telling myself that I can’t. I’m not succesful. I’m not robust sufficient. I can’t do this stuff on my own, and if I don’t discover assist, they received’t get executed as a result of I can’t.

I’ve by no means been an “I can’t” particular person earlier than. However I’ve informed myself these lies so many instances over the previous few months that it’s simply grow to be miserable. Mix that with the truth that I haven’t been capable of finding a dependable particular person to do a few of these issues that I had satisfied myself I couldn’t do, and that has led to a very miserable feeling of helplessness.

By no means in my life did I believe that I might really feel helpless. And but, there I used to be yesterday, feeling helpless. I felt so helpless and discouraged that I cried and had a pity celebration for myself. After which I bought offended and threw just a little mood tantrum as a result of these individuals preserve standing me up, and I another person has to do it for me as a result of I can’t do it by myself.

Properly, after about half-hour of that nonsense, my anger and frustration turned in direction of myself. I began questioning what on the planet had occurred to me. What have I grow to be? How on the planet have I satisfied myself over these previous couple of months that I’m not succesful of doing this stuff?

I imply, we’re speaking about drywall, for goodness sake! And it’s not even on the ceiling, or excessive up on the wall. We’re speaking about drywall on the underside a part of the partitions.

I’ve drywalled total rooms in our home earlier than, together with the ceiling, on my own. Sure, it’s true that I promised myself that I’d by no means need to do drywall once more as a result of, fairly frankly, I hate it. I hate putting in drywall, and I hate taping and mudding much more. However my mindset had gone past simply I don’t need to do that as a result of I hate doing drywall. My mindset had gone to I’m not succesful of doing this and I’m dependent upon another person to do it for me. And never with the ability to discover somebody reliable to do it for me had led to that dreadful and unfamiliar feeling of helplessness.

I truthfully don’t understand how I had satisfied myself of those lies. I imply, I’ve put cased openings in load-bearing partitions on this home all on my own.

I’ve torn rooms right down to the studs and rebuilt them all on my own.

And but I used to be feeling helpless over 5 sheets of drywall? I had satisfied myself that I’m not able to doing this by myself. How did that occur?

Properly, maybe being stood up by all these individuals is precisely what I wanted to snap myself out of this downward spiral I’ve been in over these previous couple of months, as a result of in spite of everything of my mood tantrums and pity events yesterday, I discovered dedication that I haven’t felt in a really very long time. I began reminding myself of who I’m and what I’ve executed, and I reminded myself that I’m VERY succesful! I don’t must rely on different individuals!

So I headed to Dwelling Depot with a plan in thoughts. I used to be going to lease considered one of their $19 vehicles, and get the drywall that I wanted to complete the job myself. I bumped into just a little roadblock once I bought there as a result of they didn’t have any of the vehicles, however I used to be decided. I nonetheless bought my 5 sheets of drywall, however I had one of many guys assist me lower every sheet down six inches in order that they would slot in the van. I bought every part I wanted to get this drywall executed! And as quickly as Matt and I are completed consuming lunch right this moment, I will get it executed.

And I’m going to cease telling myself “I can’t” and “I’m not succesful.” I don’t understand how or why these lies began creeping into my head, however I’m bored with these lies tumbling round in my head. As of yesterday, they’ve been issued an eviction discover, and I’m going to do every part in my energy to get again to my previous mindset the place I inform myself that I can. I can’t stand that feeling of helplessness, and I don’t need to really feel that once more. I could have handed a milestone birthday, and I could also be a bit older than I used to be once I began this weblog, however I’m nonetheless robust, succesful and decided…or at the least I’m going to do my perfect to get again to mindset. It might take a little bit of time to get again there full steam, however within the meantime, I’m at the least going to cease letting these lies take up residence in my head.